Sunday, November 22, 2009


That was my only question. Why? Why would you do this? Why would anyone do this? Why is the fire extinguished? Why are you hiding under the table? Why does our kitchen smell like a campground latrine in August? I wish I didn't know the answers, but I do.

Here is a cup.

Here is my fireplace.

 Here is my daughter.

If I asked you to come up with some scenario with those three things, what would you come up with? Hopefully not what ACTUALLY happened. Nicole had to use the restroom and for some weird, twisted, unbeknownst to us reason chose to do her business in a dixie cup. Yes people, a dixie cup. Not even a full sized dixie cup, one of the minis. I guess she didn't know what to do with the evidence of her crime -- at the Davis house we ONLY go potty in the toilet-- so she decided to BURN her evidence. So she dumped it in our fireplace! She extinguished the flame, put out the pilot light, and the pee was sizzling all around the fake logs. Ben and I were sitting on the couch and I heard this strange sizzling noise. I knew the fireplace doors were open and I was afraid something was getting ruined. Instead, I got into the room and Nicole dove under the kitchen table (I think she thought I wouldn't see her under there) and I saw the mystery liquid sizzling in the fireplace. I didn't know what it was at first, but as I got closer to inspect the damage, the smell hit Ben and I and we both looked at her and said, "Is this pee?" She didn't even deny it. We sent her to her room for the longest time-out of her life. When we asked her why she did it, all she said was "I don't know." Well, I don't know either, but I kinda wish it had happened to somebody else.
The pee was all over the rug too, so we had to move the furniture and hose it off outside. Then I had to mop the kitchen TWICE to get the pee smell of the floor! Nicole said she wants to learn how to be a "real mommy" so I let her mop up her nastiness. I should have done that anyway.

So now my rug is dripping wet outside.

I'm not sure where I went wrong, but my daughter is crazy and it's probably partly my fault.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Overdosed on Cupcakes

Don't judge her. We've all been there. You eat a cupcake and think, "wow, this is really good, I should eat more!" Then after a while you feel like you just want to die. Lesson learned, stop when you're ahead.
(oh please, we never actually learn this lesson, we just keep binging over and over again as our bellies and thighs and bottoms get bigger and bigger.)