Monday, January 9, 2012

20 lbs and counting


I can't believe this happened.

I thought I was okay. I knew I was slipping, but I didn't realize that I'd fallen this far.

I weighed myself. I know. Bad move. The battery in my scale has been dead for a long time. I'm totally okay with that. I hate knowing how much I weigh. I went to my mom's house and her scale was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor (so they could weigh their bags before going on a trip). Tori stepped on and weighed herself. She's almost up to 40 lbs. She bouncing on it and trying to make herself weigh more. Then she said, "Hey mom, remember when you used to stand on the scale?" Yes. I remember all too well. She begged me to step on the scale. I told myself that I would step on the scale, but I wouldn't look. I was doing just fine until Tori said, "Wow, Mom, you made it all the way to 200!"


I quickly looked at the scale. Fortunately, she was way off. I wasn't at 200. But I looked. I saw the number and I wanted to cry. I would rather not post on a public blog how much I weigh, so let's just say that I have never weighed this much (other than when I'm hugely pregnant). It's time to fix that.

Ugh. I hate dieting! I love to cook. I love to eat. I LOVE FOOD! I really don't want to give up nachos, buttered popcorn, cookies, cupcakes, white bread, or any of those really delicious, highly processed snacks from the grocery store. It's a very sad day for me.

But, it needs to be done. I need to lose a full 20 lbs. I'm not going to set a date that I need to have it gone. I'm just going to reward myself when it's done. That will be my motivation. My reward? New jeans. My favorite jeans are dying. They are ripping everywhere (probably because I insist on squeezing my ample bottom into them) and they will not last much longer. I refuse to buy new jeans in my current size. So, when I get back down to my normal size, I will reward myself with new jeans. Not Walmart clearance sale jeans. Good jeans. I'm actually really excited about it. I'm excited enough that I got up this morning and put on my workout clothes to get on the treadmill.

So, I could use some help. First, don't say things like, "you don't need to lose weight, you look fine just the way you are!" That's not helping. That will just weaken my resolve and that's not good for anyone. Second, don't invite me to go running with you. I don't run. I have messed up feet and 3.5 miles is about as far as I can go without serious pain. I have a treadmill and a laptop with Netflix. That's how I like to work out. Third, don't tell me how fat you think you are. Chances are good that I think you look beautiful and I wish I could look like you. Telling me that you're fat makes me feel worse about myself.

So, without any further procrastination, I'm going to go get on the treadmill and watch The Vampire Diaries. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.


Anonymous said...

I have the exact same # to lose so we can encourage each other! Good luck. I know how you feel and I like how you didn't have a date set to lose by. Just do it. that's a good motto. good luck!

Emily S.

Kristyn said...

I joined Weight Watchers a year ago and it's made a huge difference. I love that no foods are off limits--it's all about portion control, making better choices and exercising. I also think it's one of the few "diets" that fits the word of wisdom (moderation in all things) and is manageable as a lifestyle--not a diet. (Ok, I totally sound like an infomercial. ) But...I'm at my goal weight, my mom has lost 25 pounds in the last two months (and she has NEVER lost weight), Janis Rippon has lost over 50 pounds and Debbie Lorange has lost over 10 !

That being said: if you don't want to fork out the money, I think the reason it works is: 1. Accountability. We weigh every week and track what we eat (counting "Points.") 2. Support--I really think the weekly classes make all the difference. But, with your blog, that may fill that need.

So good luck! You can totally do it!

Rena said...

This is what has worked for me (because I'm a sugar addict): cut out all candy/desserts, etc. during the week (you can have them on the weekends). Also, don't eat ANYTHING past 7:00pm. If you love sugar/sweets like I do, the first few days are a bit rough. After that, it simply gets easier and easier until you don't even really want the sweets on the weekends any more. I don't go a far as cutting out ANYTHING with sugar on the label. Just desserts/sweets. It's also easier when you know you can have them on the weekends. After doing this for a bit, you also start to figure out what sweets you really DO like--instead of just popping any sweet thing into your mouth to get a sugar fix.

As for exercise, just gradually up the incline on the treadmill.

I hope some of this helps. Good luck! I know you can do it!

Anonymous said...

Kristi your dumb and so is dieting! Who can say that they can fit in their wedding dress after 10 years of marriage? I know you said in your blog to not say you look good..BUT YOU DO!!!

all about the girls said...

So first off, I think that you are beautiful and look great!!! Second, I totally get the not helping of people telling you that you look fine. So how bout we just encourage each other? I'm on a motivated streak right now which has shown me that it really doesn't matter how much we think (and it really is just ourself at the end of the day) we need to lose a few, that motivation to make different choices is the key. How about we help motivate each other? Love you girl! And thanks for giving me the idea of buying a hot new pair of jeans when I hit my goal!

Laurel said...

Oh, I don't think I can count on how many levels I just related to this post! (Except that I wasn't surprised by how much weight I need to lose...) If even LAUREL can walk (yes, walk - not run) on a treadmill for entire VD episodes, so can Kristi (I seriously JUST finished one before I sat my sweaty *A* at the computer just now). And that's also funny that you're rewarding yourself with jeans, because I have already informed Jason that before I lose my Nordstrom discount (at the end of February), I will be buying a new pair. Which ever size that turns out being (let's hope for at least one down, right?!!).

Good luck, girlie!!!